How to Talk About Gay

Some friends and colleagues have asked me recently how they should talk about people being gay or LGBT issues generally, especially when their kids ask them questions. Some wonder whether they should dance around the issue or if it's okay to be direct. I say, be direct and talk about it as if it's any other normal thing - because it is...

Today is the birthday of one of my best friends, one of two friends who spoke to me openly about being gay before I came out. He would say things like, "You know you're gay, right?" or "Yeah, that's because you're gay!" when I would say or do something that seemed to show some conflict with the traditional norm. His blunt and direct campaign to help me out of the closet started when he and one of our other best friends visited me at school in Washington. We were 21, and I threw them a party with a bunch of college friends. I had gone on a couple dates with one of the girls at the party, and I was really uncomfortable around her. My friends from home could tell. Actually, most of the people at the party were girls (which they didn't mind), and I was always uncomfortable around girls who showed interest (not an uncommon occurrence)... ;-)

For months after the party, he would ask me on the phone, "So, have you figured out that you're gay yet?" I would chuckle uncomfortably and respond that I had not, and he would say okay. It may seem rude or far too blunt to say that to a person, but it was actually one of the main factors that helped me to really consider it myself. I struggled throughout the following several months until I finally accepted it. I SO wanted to please my family and society at large, and society did not accept being gay. What my friend's blunt campaign did, however, was show me that it WAS okay to be gay. By talking about it like it was normal, he showed me that it was normal. I thank him all the time for his positive role in helping me to tackle this part of myself that I had repressed.

When people's kids ask them if they know anyone who is gay or what it means to be gay, I hope they will speak openly with them and thereby show their kids that it's just like anything else in the world. "Some men like other men, and some women like other women," they could say. "Families aren't just made up of a mom and dad and kids, but sometimes two moms or two dads and kids." It's a simple fact of life - and if we talk about it as such, we'll begin to fully accept it.

Merry Christmas

I am thinking of all those tonight whose families won't have them, whose families won't talk about it, whose families won't accept them. One day, society will get this right. For now, let's remember that we are in this together. We at least have each other and our friends and family members who do accept us. Merry Christmas to all.

Same-Sex Marriage in Washington DC

A big day in the District of Columbia! This is progress! The law would allow same-sex couples from anywhere in the country to marry in the capital. The goal is full and equal protection in all 50 states, but this is one giant step forward! Don't get in the way of progress, Congress...

Washington Post Article

New York Vote

So, the New York State Assembly voted today on expanding the opportunity of marriage to two people of the same sex. This effort was important because it was a test of legislative consideration of marriage equality.

My own view, however, is that it is not appropriate to put this issue to a vote. That's not how we do it in this country. This country is not based on the majority deciding which rights minorities can have, in which opportunities minorities can share. This country is based on freedom and equality for all, or at least that's what we constantly strive to achieve.

Our courts are meant to enforce that freedom and equality. I still look to them now.

Happy Thanksgiving

I'm thinking especially today of those whose families deny them welcome or think this "phase" will pass, and of those who sit in silence and fear of what force might bear down on them if they were to disclose a simple truth about themselves. May faith in the eventual goodness of the world temper their sadness and pain.

The Greatest Generation on LGBT Equality

National Coming Out Day & the National Equality March

Today is National Coming Out Day, which coincided with the National Equality March in Washington. Thousands of people who are lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender, along with their friends and families, marched past The White House to the Capitol, demanding full equality in all 50 states. We can’t have different laws for different groups of people. Haven’t we been through this a few times already!?!

We are not demanding rights alone, but also acceptance. It’s time to stop the hate and stop the ignorance. It’s time to let people be themselves and love whomever they love. It’s time to let kids grow up in a safe environment that doesn’t make them question and deny their true selves.

On this National Coming Out Day, make life a little easier for someone who wants to share with you a very important part of him or herself. Pave the way, if you can, and demonstrate that you accept people no matter what their sexuality is. At the very least, stop making gay jokes and stop laughing at them. Call someone out, if you feel bold enough, if they speak in ignorance or hate. And if you, yourself, think you might be lesbian or gay or bisexual or if you struggle with gender identity, talk to someone you trust. We have a huge, supportive community who can help you through what is understandably a hard time.

See, the thing is, we can’t give the rights to ourselves. If we could, we would have done it ages ago. Only you can give us our rights. Only you can make our opponents back down. Only you can stop being our opponent. I’m talking to my friends. I’m talking to my family. I’m talking to my community, the town and state where I grew up. Stop electing people who don’t support equality. Stop accepting delay tactics. Stop making it okay for politicians to ignore us. In fact, I’d love it if you stopped ignoring us.

And don’t just support me – fight with me.